‘I lost two pieces of myself that day’

The evening Micheala Ruth September lost her mother and sister in a fire, that started on the ground floor of their family home in Strandfontein, is etched in her memory.

Her whole world was turned upside down that night. She lost everything she ever owned and held dear, including two of her priceless treasures – her mom, Ruth; and younger, sister Kirsten. What’s worse, unlike others who lose loved ones, Micheala had no special keepsakes for remembrance. Everything was burnt to ashes, leaving her with nothing but fond memories.

Eight months after the tragedy, Micheala will graduate with a Postgraduate Diploma in Library and Information Studies from the University of Cape Town (UCT) – with distinction. It took a special kind of resolve to continue with her academic programme amid unimaginable grief. But in her heart, she knew that the two leading ladies in her life would have wanted it no other way.

So, her walk across the stage in the Sarah Baartman Hall on Monday, 31 March, to receive her degree will be a poignant one as she takes her mom and sister with her.

Devastation like no other

Tragedy struck the evening before the start of her second semester. Micheala was attempting to readjust to her campus sleeping schedule after a few weeks of holiday, and it was a lot harder than she thought it would be.

As she tossed and turned, she heard strange noises coming from the front of the house. But it was difficult to pinpoint them. Fearful that someone had broken in again, Micheala turned the TV volume up. It had deterred burglars before, and she was hoping it would again. But the noises grew louder and when she heard footsteps running down the stairs, instinctively, she jumped out of bed and ran to her bedroom door. By then, part of the ground floor of the home was engulfed in flames, visibility was poor from the smoke and the heat was unbearable.

All she heard was her dad’s screams for her to get out of the house. It was his footsteps she had heard minutes earlier, and she ran for her life, exiting through the garage door.

“I kept hoping a car would pass and that someone would help. But no one did.”

“I grabbed shoes and my phone on a whim. When I got outside, I turned to my dad and asked him where my mom and Kirsten were and he said he didn’t know,” Micheala said. “I had no data or airtime. I couldn’t phone anyone for help. I was shaking with fear. I kept hoping a car would pass and that someone would help. But no one did.”

‘Help took forever’

When a man in a bakkie eventually passed their home and stopped, he advised Micheala and her dad to knock on their neighbours’ doors to ask for help, and they did. Someone phoned the fire department and emergency medical services, while Micheala and her dad waited and clung to hope that their loved ones would make it out of the house alive.

“I was angry that it took the fire department between 30 minutes to an hour to arrive. I was angry that they had not gotten there faster and that the police arrived first. The more time passed, the less chance I had of seeing my mom and Kirsten come out of the house alive. Even when the fire department got there, I kept clinging to hope that they were somewhere inside and okay, maybe just a little burned. But they were gone,” she said.

“I felt hopeless. I didn’t want them to go. I never envisioned living my life without them. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I lost two pieces of myself that day.”

Last conversations

Micheala vividly remembers her last conversation with Kirsten. The two inseparable sisters who were seven years apart were seated comfortably in the lounge that evening. Kirsten, who was in Grade 11 at the time, had just concluded binge watching an ABC series, which ironically centred around the life and work of a group of firefighters. The conversation was light-hearted as the two discussed their preferred baby names – even though both felt that they are a very long time way from having children, they chatted about the kind of parents they would both be when the time came.

This discussion was quite common among the two. Micheala described Kirsten as a planner who always needed to be prepared, even if it meant planning years in advance. She was clear that she wanted to be a girl mom, and thought Micheala should be a boy mom because of their differences in personalities.

“She sent me a message later that evening after she went to bed asking for baby photographs to add to her WhatsApp profile. That was the last contact we had,” she said. “When I try to remember my last conversation with my mom, I hit a complete blank. I know she went to bed early that night. But I don’t remember our last words. I always hope it was something kind.”

Adjusting to a new way of life

Micheala said adjusting to life without her mom and Kirsten has been one of the biggest tests of her life. But together with her dad and with the support of their family and friends, they use every day to pick up different pieces of their broken hearts, which she admitted, will probably take a lifetime to be fully whole again.

“I read something once along the lines of: ‘You don’t just lose them [your loved ones] once. You’ll lose them over and over again, one thousand times in one thousand different ways – every day. Sometimes, multiple times in a day. It is a continuous, never-ending cycle.’ I think that sums it up nicely,” she said.

But in her academic programme she found a sense of purpose. And she was determined to keep going, even though the Faculty of Humanities offered her a leave of absence, which some members of her family encouraged her to accept. However, the thought of graduating later without her friends and in-class family who supported and motivated her every step of the way, didn’t sit well with her. So, she persevered to attain her qualification and has dedicated it with endless love to her mom and sister, her cheerleaders for life.

“I knew that they’d want me to see it through, my sister especially. And I did it! They were my reason and motivation to keep going. I desperately wanted to make them proud and hope that I have. I think I have, especially because I didn’t allow the tragedy to hold me back,” Micheala said.

‘A place where I belong’

As an avid reader who loves all genres of books, it’s no surprise that Micheala opted for a PGDip in Library and Information Studies. The library and books in general have always been her happy place, and her academic programme of choice also serves as a special tribute to her mom who “absolutely loved” to read and instilled this same love in both her children.

“Of course, it has its ups and downs, but when I’m surrounded by books, it’s all worthwhile.”

And as a little girl, Micheala often created her own library and played librarian in her bedroom – emersed in her own fantasy corner, and it brought her so much joy. Years later and she is on the cusp of living that dream. Last year, as part of her course, she completed a work-integrated learning (WIL) programme at Wynberg Public Library – an opportunity to work in a real-life library. In more ways than one, that sealed the deal.

“I always wanted to be the girl behind the desk in the library. So many people see libraries as a place where all you do is work with books. But there’s so much more to it than that. And when the idea of this course bit, I just couldn’t let go,” she said. “During my WIL I realised that I am where I am meant to be. I found a place where I belong. Of course, it has its ups and downs, but when I’m surrounded by books, it’s all worthwhile.”

Micheala has enrolled for her master’s in digital curation at UCT and she will complete the academic programme full-time.