"Water is composed of two gins; Oxygin and Hydorgin. Oxygen is pure gin. Hydorgin is gin and water."

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends toward the moon because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors the vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

"H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water."

"The body consists of three parts; the branium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

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